Week 27

Restless, my heart can't find its quiet.
Twenty seventh week is one week more than a half year.
It has been long, but few had been my outlet;
Less riddles in this piece, yet, some points may still be unclear.

It's not about me, it's about you, this coming Wednesday;
Wednesday it was, 27 weeks ago upon this Wednesday of yours.
A gaze is hard to do, a word is hard to say.
Inward is chaos, even if the outward seems just a normal course.

"Abba", I call, I pray that you are alright... standing.
I've left a deep scar, mine is a bleeding wound.
I pray you're doing fine, it's right that I'm suffering.
What would happen? A fix coming never or a fix coming soon.

I remember, I'm not certain since my sight then was poor.
Was running, blisters in the making, your group then saw me.
Your group jeered, thought I heard your voice too, I'm not sure.
I hope you did, I hope I was able to clearly see.

But I recall too, moments of same magnet poles.
The night before our mentor's Day; some night before Five Candles.
Bullet of indifference. A bleeding wound in my soul.
Nights I pray, this unquiet heart to hush, uneasy heart to handle.

It's not about me, it's about you, this coming Wednesday;
A gaze is hard to do, a word is hard to say.
Restless, my heart can't find its quiet.
It has been long, but few had been my outlet.
Don't know when you'll read this, don't know if you'll ever do.
I pray you're alright, I pray this message of mine you'll get.

Case 1: No classes --> Pain in the ass
HS: No classes = yipee!
College: (well at least for me as a college student), spells make-up classes
Instructors: "My schedule's torn!!! X( "

It's a good thing I scheduled the submission of exercises on Wednesday next week. But still, my Thursday classes will suffer for the lack of preparations for next Friday's exams.

Case 2: Online rants
To make the long story short:
It came to me that my CMSC 150 lab classes are nearing their end. This was when my roommate, Sir Dulds, told me about the ongoing thread in yupielbi.org
Under one thread entitled "Worst subject ever"in the acads topics of the forums, CMSC 150, which I am teaching right now, was one of the most popular answers. Some were having a hard time, some hated the subject, some both. What caught my attention? This certain post:

sa ngayon cmsc150, olats na olats ako dun. T__T di ako marunong magprogram sa yacas! ~__~ - "Buknoy"

...
I clicked on Buknoy, and voila, user Buknoy's info was listed down... He is a current student of mine.
What made the series of events more intense was when I saw him in the ICS corridors the same afternoon...

(heart beat** heart beat**)

Trouble for Buknoy? Nah.... read on...

Of course, as a teacher, it hurts to see such comments. What made me not loose my cool when I was scanning the forums was the date of Buknoy's post: Aug 08 2006, 10:56PM. Yes, he posted the entry last year, and he is a second taker of the course.

Nothing happened when I saw him. I just confirmed that it was his post and that he posted it last year. No harm done.



Sure there'll be an action point in my part to check who knows and who doesn't. Perhaps a special lab exercise customized specially for every individual student... Yeah, that'll do.

13/100

Out of the 100 students I teach in 4 CMSC 150 sections (D-1L, EF-1L, EF-3L, EF-4L), here's the list of the 13 that passed the 1st Exam. Kudos to you guys. Keep it up!

Rank(No. of people sharing rank)	Passer :)	Section	Score/75
1.5(2)	Kevin Palis	D-1L	57
4(3)	Melody Monterona	EF-4L	55
4(3)	Marie Yvette De Robles	EF-4L	55
4(3)	Roland Avelino	EF-4L	55
8(1)	Jeriel Paul Abayon	EF-4L	53
9(1)	Micael Andrei Diaz de Rivera	EF-1L	52
10(1)	Marciano San Diego	D-1L	51
12(3)	Patrick Dominic Menorca	EF-4L	49
15(3)	Emyrson Aragon	D-1L	48
15(3)	Alicia Balba	D-1L	48
17.5(2)	Maggie Mae Roxas	EF-1L	47
21(5)	Arrianne Joy Marteja	EF-1L	46
24(1)	Mary Grace Tagapan	EF-4L	45

Sensei Story # 1
Message from my sensei, shadas. Sensei, as in my sensei in a ninja rpg in the web:
"as your sensei I have to tell you, you're training yourself all wrong. you don't have to go to arena and do battle to get yourself strong, if you practice that way you'll get strong very slowly. what you want to do is focus all your chakara and stamina training into one offensive and then all the other defense and just train like mad and get your base stats like str int spd and will up, you want to do missions to get ur base stat up. going to arena only give you unwanted experience that's all. do like I say and you won't appear weak when facing off against opponent who has the same experience level as you."

Well, as he puts it, my experience pts are already higher than his, but my stats are nowhere near his. Still can't make up my mind which of ninjutsu, genjutsu, and weapon skills should I train for as my primary offensive skill. Which of the three? Mmmm.. hard choice, but as you notice, taijutsu is off my list.

Sensei Story # 2
Tentative schedule

MON 10-1 CMSC 150; 1-4 CMSC 150
TUE 4-7 CMSC 57
WED 1-4 CMSC 57
THURS 1-4 CMSC 150; 4-7 CMSC 150

As Ma'am Marge tells me, I should expect a lot of prerogs for my tuesday class. I'm happy that I got the subjects that I wanted. Seems like I would be teaching sophomores to senior students. And together with the excitement, a bit of unease also starts to cripple in - I'll be teaching UP students afterall. Wanted to clean our room, but with the online registration, our room would already be competing with YouTube's hits if it were a website. I wanna enjoy teaching. I don't want to fall short of the students' expectations of me. Not that I'm a people pleaser, and not that I don't expect to receive rants and negative comments.. it's just that I don't want to end up mumbling to myself "if only". I don't want to fall short of the department's expectations. I don't want to fall short of my expectations. I don't want to fall short of His expectations.

Sensei Story # 0
He stands by me and holds me even if I don't feel of His presence or clarity of His directions. Head knowledge is nothing without application.

Hairstrands of Fleeting Memories

1. 40% sp completion
2. my mom arrived from ksa
3. pitch black
4. recurring snapshots of drowning
5. trying to hear Him after 22 revolutions around the sun
6. disneyland tours and resort stay anyone?
7. disneyland no paradise
8. glorious with expats all around
8. best sp nomination
9. 10 meters, 1st since pitch black
10. great march on the grand lawn
11. the tiger roars
12. revealed crack on the weak foundation
13. foundation and light back to roots
14. church visit at last
15. foundation plastered? not so. light ever fighting
16. the lion roars
17. all my sons and all the drama
18. decision towards noble paths
19. my mom went back to ksa
20. invasion of the high-tech hallway
21. 2-3 meters, 2nd after pitch black
22. calloused heart

tomorrow: shaving the callus, that i claim, yet not in a day... not in a day, but in all of yet to come. that is what i hope.

Sick Carousel

I remember describing my style in writing, "I write some time after my emotions have subsided. Yes, I do put in a lot of myself to what I write, but I do not add clues explicitly. Knowing me through my writing is always something that my readers need to figure out."

This post is different from the others, since as I started to compose this entry, I've just finished wiping off my last tear, and holding off another one not to fall as I finish off this sentence (but I'm smiling now). I've listened to Skillet's "Angels Fall Down" to heighten my mood, and is currently listening to Superchic[k]'s "I Belong To You" to keep the pace.

I am a very careful person. I think whether what I should do is right, even when the path that I will tread is already the obvious right direction to take. So before writing this one, I battled it out in my mind... I will just sound insane by saying these things now, by writing things that will be vague to the readers, by telling people what kind of person I am, yet deviating from his own description with his own writing that gave his readers his self-perception. All the same, I feel good now.

I hate the fact that I have my own personal evils. Yes, I am a very careful person. And being careful and being selfish are not non-mutually exclusive events. I am careful, yet at times, most of the times, I am selfish. Selfish enough to abandon the right path to take, selfish enough to forget my identity that many people know as the identity I profess. I hate it... raising my white flag, when I have not yet geared out for the usual battle in my mind that should already be instinctly embedded in me. I hate forgetting The Cross.

Cyclical. That's what I hate. I just remember my defeat when the damage has already been done. When my friends and my immediate support group come rushing in to my side. Again, I battle out in my mind, "Am I writing this because I hate being cyclical?", "Am I doing this to feed my eccentric nature?" I think I already know the answer. And putting the previous sentence lessens the drama. Ha, I sound insane alright. Then so be it. I hate this cycle. I am eccentric, but not the reason for this one. And I am insane. Rather be that than selfish.