Feeling of Harassment

I don't know. Last Thursday, during the last lap of my regular jog, that's how I kinda felt. At the middle the my usual eight round in between Baker and Men's Dorm, I already saw that ugly gay person coming to the lower grounds. I recognized him since I already had some uneasy experience of being "verbally harassed" by the same person, or at least, that's how I felt.

Last year, that was October, the night before LTI (clicky), I was completing the grades of my students, so that I can go to the said event. I came from our apartment and went back to the office. Along my way, I was happy taking pics of the yellow lights (clicky). Then in the area of the pedestrian lane before Physci, after the waiting shed where the Gamma Sigma usually hang out, that ugly existence came into sight.

That was already late at night, and I am usually alert as I don't want to be held up and yes, I fear to be pointed at by a gun, knife, or whatever that may instantly take away dear life. Also, as a precaution, I always look at the face of people at night so as to have a reference if ever there comes a need to remember them; that is in case of a robbery, attempted homecide, other crime kind of stuff, or combination of them. Anyway, we were about to cross paths at the pedestrian lane; that ugly alien coming from Physci, and me coming from Kwek Kwek. I was staring keenly and with brows meeting like angry at him. He was with his dog, which last Thursday, became my hint that it was the same person. Yes, the "angry look" is also another precaution to scare off anyone who tries to do anything bad to me (telling them instantly that I am ready to fight back). Then 5 meters apart. he blurted off "ang gwapo naman"... Shivers to my spine, I scoffed the message off. This ugly dog (referring to the two-legged one) thought I was hitting on him. I continued walking and some 10 meters after we have crossed, I looked back, and the hell, he was still looking at me with lust. Yes, I continued to my destination, and tried to forget this thing off. I told Ton about the incident, and never again did I try to recall this particular scene. Then came last Thurday.

At the start of the entry, I described my sighting of him near Baker Hall from afar (again with his mongrel dog). I continued running, DMST, VetMed, Carillion, CEC, then by YMCA, we were about to cross paths again. Yes I braced myself for the worst. Five meters, four, I was jogging and approaching was faster than the first encounter. Two meters, alas, he said "ang ganda naman ng pawis mo"... This time around, I was kind of prepared, so the shock effect was not as strong. But that don't change the fact that I wanted to punch him in the face. No I didn't punch him, I had second thoughts. First, I don't want to create a scene. Second, I don't want my skin to come in contact with such an ugly creature. But I think, I won't have any second thoughts if a third time comes around. And if such a time comes, I don't mind creating a scene, even if the UPF questions me and charges me with assault.

Just a disclaimer, I don't have anything against gay guys. But yes, I hate gay people who shout out their lust towards one person in public. I think, that applies to non-gay people who display their lust on public as well. Erg. And just to inform everyone who cares enough for me, I'm still taking this fair enough. I know psychologically, this has some effect on me, but I'm still fine. And no one is gonna stop me from running.

Successes and Blunders

Success#1 We got new chairs
Carla and I have new computer chairs in the office. It actually came in early as we just ordered them at the start of the previous semester. Yeah, I think it came early, since I expected them to come at the start of the next semester. Don't have photos of them yet. I assure you that they're better than the old ones. At least my back isn't going to suffer anymore from the diagonal recline angle of my old chair.

Success#2 I made some great Puttanesca
The name originated in Naples, Italy after the local prostitutes, Pasta alla Puttanesca meaning "Pasta in the way a whore would make it". The reason why the dish gained such a name is debated. One possibility is that the name is a reference to the sauce's hot, spicy flavour and pungent smell. Another is that the dish was offered to prospective customers at a low price to entice them into a brothel. -Wikipedia
Anyway, I think this new version is better than what I cooked on Alan's birthday. I still used white spaghetti (any white pasta will do for red sauce based dishes), garlic, onions, and sliced tomatoes. I just made the flavor more Italian by using Italian flavored sauce and another kilo of tomato sauce. Also, I made it hotter by making all the tunas used "hot and spicy", plus I added chili powder. Instead of using the cheaper black olives that needed to be sliced, I used the sliced canned ones. The ten pesos difference gave me a three hour headstart. I am now more confident in my cooking, because my estimates both in ingredients and in time are now becoming more accurate.

Success#3 I'm feeling better
Yep, I'm losing weight (again), and it does feel better. I'm currently running 4 laps of figure-eight tracks around the lower and upper grounds of the Freedom park. That's 6.4 kilometers a day. I am also more aware of running do's and don't's now. Last week, I focused my diet on buildng up my resistance. This week, I focused on fiber and digestion. This week hasn't been that much of a success as I instantly felt the decrease in my resistance given the lower calorie intake (1200-1400 a day). But still the same. I'm feeling better (compared to when I was in my physical slump).

Blunder#1 I've got no control at home
Yes, a contradiction to my last enumerated success. Well, there are many factors. There's a lot more food here in our house (compared to the apartment where I had to do groceries for the week); home spells out rest and recreation plus eating, eating, eating; I didn't bring my running shoes; more pollution, though our village is somewhat less polluted than the whole metro. But yeah, I am still putting some control. A while ago I ate two donuts instead of the usual three. I try to stay away from rice as much as possible. And I still have my usual dose of calcium.

Blunder#2 I've got boils
Boil or furuncle is a skin disease caused by the inflammation of hair follicles, thus resulting in the localized accumulation of pus and dead tissue.Boils are generally caused by an infection of the hair follicles by Staphylococcus aureus or Staphylococcus epidermidis, a strain of bacterium that normally lives on the skin surface. It is thought that a tiny cut of the skin allows this bacterium to enter the follicles and cause an infection. This can happen during bathing or while using a razor. People with immune system disorders, diabetes, poor hygiene or malnutrition (Vitamin A or E deficiency) are particularly susceptible to getting boils; however, they also occur in healthy, hygienic individuals, due to over scratching a particular area of the skin. -Wikipedia
My first reaction was, "Oh my, I have a biblical disease". Yeah, I sounded like a Sweet Valley High villain. But what really pissed me of is its location. It's located in my head. As if boils weren't pissing enough. This particular boil is a result of the hot weather, my increased activity due to my frequent running resulting to more perspiration, and me always scratching my head. Voila, a boil, made specially for Mykmyk. Mom had to cut some hair, "Pag si Dr Sha yan, mas marami pa tatanggalin nun" (my mom's a nurse), and sleeping had never been more painful.

Blunder#3 Bad bad dreams
I've got bad dreams lately. The last was me performing a Katon Goukakyuu No Jutsu (Grand Fireball technique) that failed no matter how many times I tried. Anyway, so much of reading Sasuke and Itachi's grand battle (Sasuke "won"!!! <-- haha, spoiler!). Now that I've mentioned it, I really can't remember who I was using the jutsu against. And my dream continued on with me looking for a new house. But the setting is here in Marikina. I'm supposed to be looking for a better house in LB. I hope it's not a premonition that I will no longer work in LB. No!!! Bad dream! Bad dream!
Blunder#4 My eyeglasses got chipped
Alas, my ultra light, "frameless", mid-rib glasses had one of its lenses chipped. This happened just before we went to the airport for my mom's departure to Saudi. Erg, this is the best glasses that I had (all because of the description I mentioned earlier). Now I have to buy a new pair. Not that I can't afford one, but it came with bad timing as I face more financial obligations this summer with the moving thingy. Anyway, just to update you guys, we may not be moving at all. Long story. I'll just update you more in another post.


I guess that's it. Three successes to four blunders. Blunders win. Erg!

Quotes and Quoation Marks (Don't Ask Who She Is)

I had dinner with my best friend yesterday. We're in this stage of life where both of us are now working, and both of us are feeling the "pressure", or a tinge of pressure in giving back to our families. Well of course, the pressure is greater on him since he still lives with his family. Anyway, pointless as it is, just like my previous post, I will not be dealing with our conversation in last night's dinner (this is beginning to be my style in my blog entries).

Last night, I went home early (11:15, I think) and texted two of the boys in I5 (where I came from before going home to H6) with a quote from George Elliot. "There is no despair so absolute as that which comes with the first moments of our first great sorrow, when we have not yet known what it is to have suffered and be healed, to have despaired and recovered large." College drama it is, and yeah, got the quote from one of the episodes of One Tree Hill, whose fifth season is coming soon (well, I think). I won't divulge why I sent the boys that message... That certain message I sent them was found under the "World Spinner" folder where I keep messages that center around thing(s) which I think are necessary for making this world spin. No, I'm not talking about centrifugal force, gravity, and all the geek stuff. Rather, think anything cheesy(?) like love, and those sort of things.

Since I was already in the folders section of my phone, I went on and browsed through the other folders of my saved messages. There are two "forbidden" folders in my phone entitled "personal messages" and "personal conversations" (yeah, isn't it obvious with the names of the folders?) I checked out these two folders last night, as my practice is whenever I want to reminisce, knowing that I "cleaned" those folders two to three months ago. What I checked in particular last night was if who were the people whose messages I saved in the said two folders. I was very carefree in scanning the messages until I came about her name in the "personal messages" folder. There were three messages of her that I have overlooked upon my "cleaning" two to three months back...

I instantaneously deleted the first message that I saw containing that damned greetings of ours, that damned greeting, which for months, or even for more than a year, I knew was ours. People say that guys are very assuming, assuming in the sense that we assume more than what girls really want to say with their words and actions. I say, that may be true, but there is also a line between being harmlessly innocent and being deliberately passive. And yes, I'm talking about the girls' responsibility in shaking off someone whom they are not interested with. Though I don't practice it, and I don't advocate it, I do understand that the good thing about the "Pinoy ligawan" is the man's declaration of his pursuit for the girl. In my case however, I think five years of actions can speak louder than words. And even without those five years, isn't four months of questions a bit too long? And yeah, did I forget to mention that she and I were former good friends, if not the best of friends. I admit, and she was also saddened, that I questioned that friendship. But maybe, years of highs and lows in that friendship has pushed us both to where we are now.

Last week, another friend asked me if I will just leave things between us as they are, as she is nearing her permanent exit from the university. Also, this week, or in the coming weeks, she will be leaving temporarily for a requirement in her course... I can't sleep last night. Even in my sleep, I was bugged with dreams of our status quo... I'm tired. I know she is too. She told me, many words we have told each other before, things that hurt and things that may have over and over again scarred our already dim friendship.

I'm tired. Every time I think about it, the more I get tired. No matter how I scoff the issue, it simply saps out the chocolate highs out of me. During the past months, I can still count the unguarded times that we met inside the university and passed by as if we have not met someone we knew. The intention of our eyes not meeting make the atmosphere even heavier. Let me just reiterate that we are friends, or at least, we were. Yeah, I offered a path to reconciliation. I think, that it is her desire too. It's just that I'm simply tired of me just exerting everything and getting no response from her. I just don't understand why she won't simply exert the effort with the reason of our previous hurts, when in my side, I'm hurting too and setting those things aside just to get things fixed. I'm cornered that no matter what I do, the damage is getting deeper. I'm tired.

Yes, I've deleted the first message I saw. The next two messages, I thought thrice and decided to keep them. The next two messages contained an inquiry of my SP presentation time (last year) and an encouragement that I could do it. The messages were sent ten and a half months ago. I decided to keep them because I want to keep hope that things are gonna be okay, despite how tired I am right now of the situation. Things are gonna be okay, I hope it will. And if it doesn't,... I don't know what to say next.